Surprise you, but not in a good way

“Life is too short, hug tightly, love strongly, forgive oftenly, and always smile widely!”
― Zane Baker

Did you ever wonder how people who are supposedly close to you tend to surprise you but not in a good way? Take today, for instance, I contacted a friend. At first, I did not recognize her voice based on past experience. She was always kind to me, and very pleasant not to say that she was mean to me but she was not welcoming. When I told her that I did not recognize her, she revealed that she had surgery. I felt awkward in hearing her solemn tone on the phone. I even apologized because I truly did not know and I felt bad about her reaction. She was probably not having a good day but that is no excuse to be unsavory. She said I interrupted before she had a chance to tell me about her surgery and I owned up to that!  I was already feeling weird, not to mention this would be adding yet another issue to this scenario.  She, in the end, said that she assumed that everybody knew and I, in turn, told her, “No, ma’am, no, ma’am. “

Life Lesson Learned

I was taught to treat those around you as you would like them to treat you, unfortunately, for the most part, it does not happen. My life lesson learned about speaking to my friend is to give her the benefit of the doubt, not to take it personally and to be forgiving. I can choose to be angry or I can simply take into consideration that she obviously was having a stressful day, and I just happen to be the one that called.

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Come Feel Me, My Love​

Come feel me, my love,
bring me to a quiver!
Allow our souls to collide, let us dance in symbiosis.

Ah! Come feel me, my love,
the longing is unbearable to no end.
Your touch is an appetite that is continuous
within my heart, my soul, my mind.

Did you know?
Throughout our lives, we have shared many things,
the sad, the happy, and the tragic. 

Yet, here we are to this day,
we are as passionate,
as strong, and as in love.
A love that continues to withstand the hand of time.

​Moments of Lucidity

Alzheimer’s disease is devastating and horrific, it may come with moments of lucidity but when it is witnessed by family members, it is a memory to remember fondly and wholeheartedly.

The moment of lucidity happened last night. I got a visit from my Ma, the person I remember as being Ma! It was late I was having trouble with sleep, and all of sudden through the crack of my door, I noticed all the lights in our house were turned on. It stemmed from the hallway, entranceway, living room all the way to the kitchen.

I was concerned that somebody broke into our home. As I opened my bedroom door towards the living room I suddenly heard, ” I am up, it is me!” The kitchen is located off to the side connecting to the living room. There she was, standing against the counter with a small pot in her hand as she says, ” I want to make some coffee.” Ma usually did her coffee the old school way processing the coffee grains through a strainer, then heating the milk in a small pot similar to the one she was holding.

I was concerned that she could hurt herself in making the coffee, so I said, ” I will make you coffee, Ma. Don’t worry! ” I proceeded to make the coffee all the while thinking how clear she was and talking. What a blessing to be able to have a conversation with my beautiful mother-in-law. When I told her that it was 12:50 am, she became apologetic. I reassured her not to worry, the night is young. I joined her for a bit, serving her coffee, crackers, and butter and made myself a cup as well.

That is a memory that I will always carry in my mind and in my heart. I know that this disease is devastating, crippling to both the person inflicted with it as well as the caregiver that witnesses it but if we can focus on those moments of lucidity, then perhaps we can make it through. Food for thought.

Coping with Alzheimer’s

I recently found myself soul-searching within the very depths of my being. Caring for a person with a severe illness is taxing, to say the least, but when you are the caregiver, it becomes something totally different. At times, it becomes gravely overwhelming, if not careful you will find yourself sucked into the depression, the isolation of it with no escape. Having a great support system is key to your survival and keeping your sanity.   

My mother-in-law is a loving person, she is slipping away day by day and there is nothing I can do to fix her. Yes, I have said it, fix her! She is stricken with Alzheimer’s. She is living with us, my mother too lives with us and is helping. My mom is my strongest support. I am blessed to have her. 

The situation has shifted towards the stage where my mother-in-law sleeps all the time,  losses large blocks of time, and she refuses to shower causing me to have to assist her. When she sits to eat at our kitchen table. I find myself observing her, and thinking, where does she go when she drifts off in thought?  Is it a specific memory? Is she aware what is happening to her? It is a horrible disease! 

When I think back to the last six months. Ma was living in the community, independently, renting her own apartment managing her everyday life until Hurricane Irma hit, inundating her apartment, and changing her life for forever.  The trauma of losing her apartment sped her illness forward to severe. She went from being a very active individual to someone who needs total daily assistance.

I treasure her lucid moments and sense of humor when it shines through. She remembers her past with such detail and sometimes shares such painful memories that I would prefer those memories to have been erased from her memory, but unfortunately, the memories continue to surface from time to time.

To our sweet lady, we will continue to care for you, love you dearly and cherish your every moment for as long as you are with us.