Lost Soul

She looked into her mirror and realized she had lost her way, a lost soul. She is, she has stopped believing in her self and second-guessing her abilities. At her current age, she should be more confident and more self-aware. What has changed?

Every day has become hum, drum, pretty ritualistic with no spontaneity. Work is work, and she continues to work it to no end.

For the average person looking in, they see success and happiness: a good job and a good marriage, a loving family.

The reality the picture is dark with constant arguments, not being listened to but claiming she does not pay attention. She is distracted, longing for a different life. No one knows her true feelings, she plays the I am alright game, but she is crumbling slowly.

This week she has decided to venture forth seeking new opportunities to fill her soul, to find happiness in what she creates and what she does. She is striving to get rid of the emptiness she feels inside and has felt for a bit. It is sad!

Alas, she will find her soul to be whole. It will take hard work and perseverance, but in the end, accomplished!

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My First Kiss

As a young girl, naive and inexperienced, you picture your first kiss as magical, romantic, and storybook-like. In thinking back, it was none of those things, as I mentioned. It did not last long, nor was it magical at all; it was more mechanical. Wait! I am getting ahead of myself now. Let us begin.

It was 1971, and my parents visited my aunt Ramona who lived in the projects of Van Courtland Ave in the Bronx of New York. She lived on the 15th floor, and the elevator always smelled of urine. Her apartment was a railroad apartment (an apartment with a series of rooms connecting in a line) overlooking the playground from the kitchen window. She kept the apartment very clean and immaculate. The aroma of delicious food always came from her kitchen. My aunt Ramona was an excellent cook.

She had five daughters, Nellie, Ivette, Evelyn, Aurora, and Betsy, who was a year apart from me. I hung out with her, mostly.

This particular afternoon, I went with my cousin, Betsy, to the playground behind a schoolyard. I don’t recall the name of the school, but I do remember the playground vividly; a big chain-linked fence and lots of concrete. We met up with two boys, her friends from school. I had no plans on kissing no boy on this particular day. 

Thinking back, I was so naive, and I was this shy kid, awkward in appearance, a nerdy, nerd! My cousin had it planned for me.

After the small talk and getting acquainted moments, here we were behind the schoolyard all four of us, then the moment came with no warning or warm-up, I received a mechanical kiss. Nothing special, but I later mentioned it to my cousin. Why? What made you arrange this kiss for me instead of letting it happen naturally or at least warn me. She wanted to do something beautiful for me.

It was just plain awkward! I will always remember it as a strange day, not a delightful day but a funny(peculiar) day!

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My Blog Journey

“Work for a cause, not for applause, live life to express, not to impress.”

~Unknown

I am hitting the keys in hopes of ideas to emerge. They say you must keep at it with resilience, and not give up on your creativity. If you are among those that follow my blog, you would know, I don’t stick to one particular topic but write about what inspires me. It is my way of keeping it exciting and not go stale. My writing palette is vast and not all is kept in one basket.

I love life, with all its ups and challenges that come with it. I would not trade it for anything. That is why I do what I do. I show my expression through blogging, creating is an art form. It exudes beyond you with no control, just the flow onto the keys and paper, inspiration at its best.

I admire those that are experts at one topic, expanding to multiple layers of delivery. I welcome feedback from my peers in the blog world. I consider it an honor to hear from my peers about this ongoing blog journey that we all share.

I am not looking for how-tos, but ways of coping and not give up.

Hey World

It has been a while,

since I have gone exploring.

My desire is ongoing and never-ending.

Hey World

When I look upon you,

the view is wondrous,

full of adventure, and

never boring.

It is spectacular!

Hey World

At times the view is heartbreaking,

full of crisis,

and full of despair. And yet I cling to hope.

Hey World

The day you cease I will be no more.

Happy Monday!

Happy Monday! I hope your weekend was safe and productive, surrounded by those you love. Let me hear the tea as they say. So, this weekend I spend my time catching up with the home, cleaning, laundry, and errands. I must say I love the shine in my house!

Did anyone watch the news or have anything to share? I tried not to indulge in the news. I wanted to take a break and step back for a bit. My focus was on the immediate with my family.

I reached out to some friends and chatted for a bit about the world, although I promised myself I would not indulge or dwell over our situation.Here is my take on the following: sending our kids to school. I feel our children should be protected at all costs even if it means virtual school for a bit, but, here is where it gets tricky, for parents that need to go to work, the kids cannot stay unattended in the home. It is a Catch 22!

To wear a mask versus not to wear a mask? Everyone will have to live with what they choose to do, but as for me? Yes, I wear a mask for my safety as well as for others.

Food for thought: I wear a seat belt to abide by the traffic rules for my safety, and we don’t go against it. We require a driver’s license to allow us to use a car, drive safely, and abide by the traffics laws. Children require the use of a car seat to keep them safe from harm, but you don’t see people protesting against it?

I am saying all of this to say it is for our safety from this horrific pandemic!

Until this pandemic is over, I urge you all to wear a mask if for no other reason but to keep yourselves and loved ones safe. Wear it!

Human Crazy

“Being human is a given. But keeping our humanity is a choice. “

~Steemit

I find myself reflecting on our current world situation with the Coronavirus. So much going on, I cannot make heads or tails, or possibly make sense of it all. Human crazy! Am I alone on this? Do any of you read this feel the same? I decided to flush all on this page. Let me know if I come across too anxious or again, Human Crazy!

Mr. President

Please help me to understand the method to your madness. Thus far, I see more of madness than a solution. I never thought I’d say this, but I don’t feel safe where I live. Your leadership leaves many questions unanswered. You continue to ignore all of the warning signs, and you are leading the people towards disaster, more deaths, more mayhem, and more confusion. Listen to the experts in the medical field like Dr. Fauci, who is a leading expert in the area of disease control. Listen! Please, Listen!

Mask Rebellion

I implore my fellow humans to see that COVID 19 continues to kill those close to us. For those of you who still feel that this is a hoax, look around. It is real! I am living proof I have seen what this thing can do. Please don’t take it for granted. Wear a mask, and it will save lives!

I recently lost my friend, and my brother tested positive as well as a few close friends, so yes, it is genuine. Many of you are protesting, saying that it is your right to refuse, your God-given right? I am here to say I choose life, and I want to live, that is my God-given right! Do your research! When did this human pandemic become political? It should have never happened; perhaps the outcome would be different.

COVID Rising

If you watch the news, you will see that the number of positive cases is rising, the number of hospitalizations is rising, and the hospitals are running out of space. Even the morgues are filled, and some states have begun to bring in freezer trucks for the dead, but yet I hear plans for opening the schools. Why? Now, our children are in jeopardy and danger? They are as much at risk as adults. Think about it, let us say the child attends the school, he or she may have an elderly in their home, so that being said, this child ultimately will bring in the virus and spread it to his or her family. Think about the bigger picture!

I say all of this in hopes that it will touch someone, make them see that the pandemic is much larger than anticipated, and we are in this together for better or for worse.

COVID On My Mind

“Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago.”

~Warren Buffet

In the light of COVID, surrounded by despair and crisis, that is all I can think about is death. What is it going to take for those doubting this pandemic to see the light? 2020 will forever go down in history as the pandemic that challenged all of us to be better, and for those non-believers. We must pray!

It is surreal seeing people in the media being defiant, and downright belligerent. It is sad! Don’t they realize if not for themselves, but for a loved one. It is crucial not to drag this virus into their home and infect someone they love, maybe this is what they need to make the picture come into focus.

I recently lost a close friend to COVID, and my brother tested positive, and thank God he is among those that survived. I also was exposed I got tested and by the grace of God I was negative. My mother who is 89 years of age lives with me, so it is crucial that I stay safe for her sake.

The numbers continue to climb, and they have named the state of Florida an epicenter. I don’t know how this will play out all I know I will continue to do my due diligence to practice safety by wearing my mask and practice social distancing.

Be Safe!

Was it a Dream?

Years ago, after the death of my landlady, I had a dream. It took place after we invited her friends over to the apartment after her wake. I remember we hosted, it was coffee and dessert. Her friends kept on complimenting us as to how nice we were for doing this for Ludmilla.  My husband and I would respond by saying, “We loved our landlady, Ludmilla. “ The apartment was so full of friends that we did not realize she had so many friends.

After the beverage and dessert, our landlady’s friends began to exit for the evening.

Days after, we started living downstairs due to the apartment being vacant. We were afraid someone would break-in, so we began to live downstairs until the house sold.

My neighbor, Madalane, dropped by to give us a bouquet of daffodils. I placed them on Ludmilla’s credenza. Lots of yellow petals so beautiful. The downstairs was very old-fashioned, Ludmilla had all the original appliances in the kitchen, the dinette set was made of chrome legs, plastic cushions on the backing and seat of the chairs. It was like being back in the 60s. The cabinets were white with little square windows to see the dishware, cups, and glasses on display.

That night I dreamed about Ludmilla, she visited me, but she was not the age she was when she passed. Ludmilla was 86 when she died, but in the dream, she appeared to be in her mid-50s. Her hair was black styled in an updo, exquisite. She was dressed in a plaid suit, pink and blue squares, white background, and black pumps.

In the dream, she began to inquire, “what have you done with my things.” I began to show her the glasses and dishware in the cabinets and how we are living downstairs until the house sells. I continued telling her that we packed all her belongings to ship to Riga, Lavia, to her niece and nephew, as she stated in her will. I was so happy to speak with her and catch up with her, and I wanted to make sure that she’d be pleased with us. She complimented me, and indeed she was delighted. I showed Ludmilla the daffodils that my neighbor had bought over earlier in the day placed on the credenza.

At that moment, she glances at me, and she expressed she has to go. I did not want her to go. As we looked at each other we embraced, she expressed her goodbyes, as she disappeared, I woke up sobbing. I woke up my husband, and he was concerned that I was crying so much. It was an emotional and intense time. Was it a dream? Did she visit me?

Darkness is upon me

Darkness is upon me. My freedom was taken.

I am trapped in this cargo with nowhere to go. I hear cries! I hear cries!

It is dark, light barely shining through the hull of this ship, I am enslaved.

There are others alongside me in chains. My family does not know I am captive,

taken to an unknown land, and never found.

Where is the light in despair? I want my family! They will never know what happened to me.

The injustice, the crimes, and the carnage! I will fight for freedom until my death.

Moods Change

” Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

~Unknown

Feeling uninspired, conflicted, and in a quandary is chaos. Moods change, and often don’t make sense at the time they occur, but life continues no matter what or when the mood strikes. It is a matter of how you handle these emotions, and how you cope in the precise instance a personal challenge descends upon your path.

I know I realize I am speaking abstractly right now, but do you get what I am trying to convey?

My point is life happens for the good, the bad, and even the ugly. We must survive it, and we must live our utmost passion to the best of our abilities. Don’t you agree?

On a personal note, it is ongoing for me, but I strive to improve, to grow, and continue to fulfill my life with things that make me happy. Don’t allow your change of moods to steal your joy.