Family is Everything

Family is everything to me, but I don’t do well when there are conflicts or disagreements. In many ways, I keep a lot inside to avoid chaos or arguments, although I have gotten pretty vocal in my older years. 

I guess I learned this early on, coming from a household that was constantly in turmoil. My parents were not the best examples, for lack of a better word. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents dearly, my father died in 1992, and my mom lives with me; she is 89 years young. They did the best with what they had. I promised myself I would not allow that type of environment I grew up in to be in mine. I was determined to break the cycle of dysfunction. 

This brings me to today, and it is funny that an argument with a loved one can take you back to years ago growing up. I was not too fond of this feeling, and I lashed out in anger. I am not proud of it. It just goes to show that I am a work in progress. When you think you have moved forward and have it under control, it regurgitates whenever you least expect it, such as a mindless argument. 

I worked hard to achieve a peaceful home environment, but a silly argument over something not worth arguing about can take you back to a dark place. I had it in my heart to share this due to not being the only one who experienced these things. I would love to hear your thoughts.

Leave me a comment and God Bless.

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Mami’s Vaccine Day

It looks like we as a nation may be turning a new corner and hopefully reach the other side. I accompanied my almost 90-year-old mother to get her first Pfizer vaccine this afternoon. I was very impressed with the process from start to finish, but first, I would like to tell you all from the beginning. 

Over a week ago, my sister got her vaccine, and she advised me to sign our mother up to get hers. My sister sends me the link to sign my mother up to get in line, and in almost two weeks. I am contacted, my mother sits by me, and she listens diligently while the representative asks pertinent questions about exposure and travel. She registers us and informs me that I will be receiving an email with my mom’s appointment and an additional link to complete the registration. I did, and all was set. 

Fast forward to today, my mom was a little anxious. She hates needles in general. I kept telling her that I will be with her every step of the way. When the time came, she was brave and looked the other way while the vaccine was being administered. The nurse even said loudly, “all done!”

As part of the protocol after getting the vaccine, they make the recipient wait in the car for 15 minutes to ensure no side effects such as headache and nausea develop. My mom did not experience any of the effects. 

Long story short, both of us had a positive experience, my mom did well, and for myself as her caregiver, the process was expedient. It took about 1 hour and a half, give or take, but it did not seem that long, and we were very happy! I guess we were talking up a storm; the time passed so quickly that we did not notice. 

I am excited that the vaccine will be offered to those 60 years and older. I look forward to it!

Holidays 2020

Our year 2020 is full of so many challenges, with the Coronavirus pandemic at the helm of it all. I find myself worrying more, preoccupied more, and for the most part, missing my family members wanting more time and wanting to create memories to cherish. 

The weekend was full of holiday decor activities and the holiday music in full swing. It made me feel joyful. My heart was full but still lacking, missing, and longing for those times of yesteryear without a care in the world. That has all changed!

Reality Check! Before leaving the house, we must take precautions, mask up, and have our sanitizer handy and gloves. Personally, I don’t wear gloves, but I have my sanitizer with me wherever I go. Wow! How things have changed. 

Christmas is around the corner. I plan a tiny gathering with my immediate family. It has become our new normal, it is the way it is, and God knows for how long. I don’t mean to sound defeated, but I am just trying to keep it real. That is all! 

My hope for 2021? This pandemic will all go away, that is my idealistic way of thinking, but realistically I don’t see the silver lining at the end of the clouds. 

My wish for all is our future with no pandemic, healthier, and full of many possibilities geared for the better in 2021. God bless!

What is in a Nickname?

Do you ever wonder what is in a nickname? Some may say it is a term of endearment, and others may use it as a form of control or insult. I used a nickname as a way to rebel from my given name. 

As a child, I did not like my name, so I rebelled, creating a nickname. I was named after my grandmother, Caridad. The English translation is Charity. I should have gone by Charity, but instead, I wound up with so many nicknames that, to date, many family and friends refer to them; Carilyn, Carolyn, and Carol. 

Since then, I have accepted my name Caridad but what do you do when you are stuck with these alternate nicknames? It is not easy. I have tried alerting my family and friends I no longer go by these names. Their response, “I am used to calling you by these nicknames,” and they refer to these names as terms of endearment. What began as my rebellion has turned into terms of endearment?

Over time I stuck to my ideals, and I no longer use these nicknames, but ever so often, a relative will slip and use one of my old names, but I don’t fuss. It is a habit, but many have adjusted to calling me by my given name. My life lesson? I continue with my given name. I don’t sweat it when someone in my family slips and revert to using a nickname. I keep going!

My Favorite Representative

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

~Winston Churchill

My favorite representative, my husband, whom I love, ran for a different seat this campaign season, Osceola County Clerk of Court. His reasons for running a different seat? He believed his service is best suited at the local level and expressed the need to be near his mother, who is suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. Although he did not win, he is a true champion!

Despite the Coronavirus, I witnessed John’s determination, his hard work in running the campaign with a small team of volunteers doing literature drops, phone banking, commercials, and mailers. However, he ran into stumbling blocks along the way, challenging the incumbent who was a difficult decision to make due to a 30-year friendship.

Many did not support John during his campaign for a multitude of reasons. I will not mention names, but I am sure they know who they are.

His vision was unwavering, those in power did not like his honesty in telling it like it is, but he persevered.

This man who is John Cortes, Florida State Representative of District 43 of Osceola County, was born in Brooklyn, New York and raised in Puerto Rico. He studied in John Jay College of Criminal Justice and is a retired Corrections officer. John knows all too well the plight of those struggling to make a better life. He is living proof that anyone can be what they set their minds to be and be successful.

His third term as state representative comes to an end in November, and his future is full of promise. His experience as a state legislature will open doors, and he would be a welcomed asset to any organization. He looks forward to future endeavors doing community works. That is where he does best to serve the community.

Time for Change

Did you ever wonder what kind of work will make you happy? I work and feel like there is so much more I can contribute, but leaders do not see me. And I am treated as though I a mere appliance, to take off the shelf as needed. They don’t care about my ideas or aspirations or solutions.

In my role, I push paper, file paper, contact employees and applicants, and at times are given a morsel of brain exercise, I get excited, and then to be let down.

I want to develop my creativity, I love to write, but even that is bland lately. I need something that will charge me up to the point of no return, to where I am passionate, obsessed, and full of enthusiasm.

My day job is working in Human Resources, but my position is not challenging. I need more, and there is none.

This feeling is not all of a sudden, and it has been a long time coming. I have not done anything about it, hoping for some miracle or change or fire to set off so my butt can move forward and form a new career path.

I have spoken about this topic before, and I still cannot get a handle on how to solve it. My ideal is to just get up and quit, but realistically I have bills to pay.

Hope

Hope
Is when a door opens amid dismay.
Hope
Is when light shines through the darkness,
full of opportunities to start a new one.
Hope
Is when tragedy strikes, there is unity
and love to cope.
Hope
Is when you are not alone in the battle
and struggles of everyday life.
Hope
Is happiness coming around the bend
of despair.
Hope
Is never losing sight it exists, it
happens when least expected.

Emotions

My emotions are running high today, and I lost another friend, she was a pastor, an amazing prayer warrior of God, an educator, and a loving mom to her children and wife to her husband.

This year is full of heartbreak, and I am trying to manage all of my feelings. It is hard! 

I go day to day doing what is right, go to work, live my family life, and so on, so what is going on inside my head? 

And to cope, I did a little Karaoke online last night, and I joined in to do a recording of Alpha and Omega, an influential Christian song, it touched me so much that I broke down. It took a few takes, but I joined in with 18 others, so when you hear it, it sounds as though I sang in a choir. It was beautiful.

I guess this is grief? It is heartwrenching! I wouldn’t say I like it when I get this way. I get annoyed with myself when this happens. I am working through it as a fighter, and I won’t let this keep me down. I know losing friends is not easy.

I will pull through, just saying.

Respect!

Respect! It is earned, not assumed. It is 
mutual, and not squandered.

Respect! From the heart, not below the heel.
Relationships are nourished and cared for
from the deepest part of the soul.

Respect! It is an investment and it is ongoing.
It is to treasure along with the bond of love.

Respect! It is an investment you value so
not to lose out and separate.

Respect! It is mutual,
don't devalue it.

Respect! If not careful, you will spend it
alone.

My First Kiss

As a young girl, naive and inexperienced, you picture your first kiss as magical, romantic, and storybook-like. In thinking back, it was none of those things, as I mentioned. It did not last long, nor was it magical at all; it was more mechanical. Wait! I am getting ahead of myself now. Let us begin.

It was 1971, and my parents visited my aunt Ramona who lived in the projects of Van Courtland Ave in the Bronx of New York. She lived on the 15th floor, and the elevator always smelled of urine. Her apartment was a railroad apartment (an apartment with a series of rooms connecting in a line) overlooking the playground from the kitchen window. She kept the apartment very clean and immaculate. The aroma of delicious food always came from her kitchen. My aunt Ramona was an excellent cook.

She had five daughters, Nellie, Ivette, Evelyn, Aurora, and Betsy, who was a year apart from me. I hung out with her, mostly.

This particular afternoon, I went with my cousin, Betsy, to the playground behind a schoolyard. I don’t recall the name of the school, but I do remember the playground vividly; a big chain-linked fence and lots of concrete. We met up with two boys, her friends from school. I had no plans on kissing no boy on this particular day. 

Thinking back, I was so naive, and I was this shy kid, awkward in appearance, a nerdy, nerd! My cousin had it planned for me.

After the small talk and getting acquainted moments, here we were behind the schoolyard all four of us, then the moment came with no warning or warm-up, I received a mechanical kiss. Nothing special, but I later mentioned it to my cousin. Why? What made you arrange this kiss for me instead of letting it happen naturally or at least warn me. She wanted to do something beautiful for me.

It was just plain awkward! I will always remember it as a strange day, not a delightful day but a funny(peculiar) day!

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