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Live Life Every Day, Fullfilled


Alzheimer's Quotes

My life is a roller coaster ride. Six months ago, if anyone were to tell me that Ma would be in a nursing facility undergoing rehabilitation. I would not have believed them. She was living independently with mild Alzheimer’s, functional and in the community.

Present Day

Ma has transferred from the hospital to the rehabilitation-nursing facility. The doctor in her care informed us that her Alzheimer’s is at a moderate stage. How is that possible? To me,  it appears severe. A close friend had to enlighten me by saying, ” Ma is not bedridden, not in diapers or is being spooned fed.” I am not content with that! I feel that she has spiraled towards the severe versus moderate since Hurricane Irma and sustaining a fall at our home.

To top it off, she fell again attempting to get off the bed. Staff found her on the floor in a sitting position, conscious in the early morning hours. They have an alarm hooked up to her bed because she won’t remember to press the ‘Call for the Nurse’ button. She is undergoing physical therapy ( her legs are weak), and occupational therapy. The reality is that Ma cannot come home and is need of more supervisory care.

I continue to pray for strength. The one thing that I learned from all of this is to live life every day, fulfilled. I try not to take anything for granted and not fester over the small stuff.

Alzheimer’s Quote

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When They Practice Deceiving


Secrets and lies, 
When they practice deceiving.
No telling, how it will play out
Or where it will take us,
When they practice deceiving.

Secret meetings,
Secrets shared,
No telling what it is, 
When they practice deceiving.

No one knows who is the target,
No one knows what is the change,
All I know is that they are practicing to deceive.

Pull the wool,
Over our eyes.
Surprise! We see it unravel!

The change and the movement,
When they practice deceiving.
Eventually, the truth will surface
and practices revealed.


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Surprise you, but not in a good way


Life Lessons

“Life is too short, hug tightly, love strongly, forgive oftenly, and always smile widely!”
― Zane Baker

Did you ever wonder how people who are supposedly close to you tend to surprise you but not in a good way? Take today, for instance, I contacted a friend. At first, I did not recognize her voice based on past experience. She was always kind to me, and very pleasant not to say that she was mean to me but she was not welcoming. When I told her that I did not recognize her, she revealed that she had surgery. I felt awkward in hearing her solemn tone on the phone. I even apologized because I truly did not know and I felt bad about her reaction. She was probably not having a good day but that is no excuse to be unsavory. She said I interrupted before she had a chance to tell me about her surgery and I owned up to that!  I was already feeling weird, not to mention this would be adding yet another issue to this scenario.  She, in the end, said that she assumed that everybody knew and I, in turn, told her, “No, ma’am, no, ma’am. “

Life Lesson Learned

I was taught to treat those around you as you would like them to treat you, unfortunately, for the most part, it does not happen. My life lesson learned about speaking to my friend is to give her the benefit of the doubt, not to take it personally and to be forgiving. I can choose to be angry or I can simply take into consideration that she obviously was having a stressful day, and I just happen to be the one that called.


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​Moments of Lucidity


Alzheimer’s disease is devastating and horrific, it may come with moments of lucidity but when it is witnessed by family members, it is a memory to remember fondly and wholeheartedly.

The moment of lucidity happened last night. I got a visit from my Ma, the person I remember as being Ma! It was late I was having trouble with sleep, and all of sudden through the crack of my door, I noticed all the lights in our house were turned on. It stemmed from the hallway, entranceway, living room all the way to the kitchen.

I was concerned that somebody broke into our home. As I opened my bedroom door towards the living room I suddenly heard, ” I am up, it is me!” The kitchen is located off to the side connecting to the living room. There she was, standing against the counter with a small pot in her hand as she says, ” I want to make some coffee.” Ma usually did her coffee the old school way processing the coffee grains through a strainer, then heating the milk in a small pot similar to the one she was holding.

I was concerned that she could hurt herself in making the coffee, so I said, ” I will make you coffee, Ma. Don’t worry! ” I proceeded to make the coffee all the while thinking how clear she was and talking. What a blessing to be able to have a conversation with my beautiful mother-in-law. When I told her that it was 12:50 am, she became apologetic. I reassured her not to worry, the night is young. I joined her for a bit, serving her coffee, crackers, and butter and made myself a cup as well.

That is a memory that I will always carry in my mind and in my heart. I know that this disease is devastating, crippling to both the person inflicted with it as well as the caregiver that witnesses it but if we can focus on those moments of lucidity, then perhaps we can make it through. Food for thought.


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Coping with Alzheimer’s


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I recently found myself soul-searching within the very depths of my being. Caring for a person with a severe illness is taxing, to say the least, but when you are the caregiver, it becomes something totally different. At times, it becomes gravely overwhelming, if not careful you will find yourself sucked into the depression, the isolation of it with no escape. Having a great support system is key to your survival and keeping your sanity.   

My mother-in-law is a loving person, she is slipping away day by day and there is nothing I can do to fix her. Yes, I have said it, fix her! She is stricken with Alzheimer’s. She is living with us, my mother too lives with us and is helping. My mom is my strongest support. I am blessed to have her. 

The situation has shifted towards the stage where my mother-in-law sleeps all the time,  losses large blocks of time, and she refuses to shower causing me to have to assist her. When she sits to eat at our kitchen table. I find myself observing her, and thinking, where does she go when she drifts off in thought?  Is it a specific memory? Is she aware what is happening to her? It is a horrible disease! 

When I think back to the last six months. Ma was living in the community, independently, renting her own apartment managing her everyday life until Hurricane Irma hit, inundating her apartment, and changing her life for forever.  The trauma of losing her apartment sped her illness forward to severe. She went from being a very active individual to someone who needs total daily assistance.

I treasure her lucid moments and sense of humor when it shines through. She remembers her past with such detail and sometimes shares such painful memories that I would prefer those memories to have been erased from her memory, but unfortunately, the memories continue to surface from time to time.

To our sweet lady, we will continue to care for you, love you dearly and cherish your every moment for as long as you are with us.

 

 


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Your Success is Straight Ahead


Where am I going?

I look here, look there and everywhere.

I see the road ahead and I still do not know where I am supposed to go.

Many say, map it out!

Some say, plan it out!

Others say, know your destination!

Like the sound of a train making that choo-choo sound.

The smells of that smokey steam engine that permeate the air.

It passes by and I still have no clue!

There are days where things get out of hand.

And there are days where the focus is relentless.

Like taking a bite out of a favorite dessert, Yum!

But no matter where the destination?

Just know that your success is straight ahead.

Keep going, keep going and do not stop!

 


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Recovery is a Bitch!


Recovering from surgery can be a bitch. It has been three months since I underwent arthroscopic knee surgery for a torn meniscus. Two weeks before my incident I had knee symptoms with pain and discomfort.  I could not figure out the source or the cause.

Incident: The day before Thanksgiving as I was leaving work, talking with my co-worker. I stepped down from the curb and all of a sudden I felt a popping from behind my right knee. The pain was so excruciating, my tears appeared, and the expression on my face was heartbreaking as described later by my coworker, Cindy. What comes to my mind was the horrific pain, OMG!!! She helped me to my car and all the while thinking how was I going to drive home?  I propped myself inside the car, my coworker, Cindy says to me, ” take your time before turning on the car.” She offered to stay with me but I told her I would be okay, but deep down inside I was terrified. I finally got the courage to start the car, every stop light I alternated with my left foot. I tried my best not to think about the pain. I got home safely, but my husband had to assist me out of the car.

Recovery: I stayed at home in recovery for two weeks after my surgery.  I could have used the allotted time given of my Family Medical Leave, but I decided to return to work. Some days are more challenging than others, but my focus is to be well.

Life Lesson: Embrace each day, no matter what the challenge…food for thought.