Charity's Blog

Life Lessons


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Self


Self, where are you?
I have been searching for you,
for so long.

I met you when I was young.
Now I don't feel you I don't recognize
you.

Self, help me to find you.
I long to see you again, to explore,
your capabilities again.

Somehow life got in the way of fulfilling
the self as it should be.
Someday, you will be with me again.


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Lost Soul



She looked into her mirror and realized she had lost her way, a lost soul. She is, she has stopped believing in her self and second-guessing her abilities. At her current age, she should be more confident and more self-aware. What has changed?

Every day has become hum, drum, pretty ritualistic with no spontaneity. Work is work, and she continues to work it to no end.

For the average person looking in, they see success and happiness: a good job and a good marriage, a loving family.

The reality the picture is dark with constant arguments, not being listened to but claiming she does not pay attention. She is distracted, longing for a different life. No one knows her true feelings, she plays the I am alright game, but she is crumbling slowly.

This week she has decided to venture forth seeking new opportunities to fill her soul, to find happiness in what she creates and what she does. She is striving to get rid of the emptiness she feels inside and has felt for a bit. It is sad!

Alas, she will find her soul to be whole. It will take hard work and perseverance, but in the end, accomplished!


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My First Kiss


As a young girl, naive and inexperienced, you picture your first kiss as magical, romantic, and storybook-like. In thinking back, it was none of those things, as I mentioned. It did not last long, nor was it magical at all; it was more mechanical. Wait! I am getting ahead of myself now. Let us begin.

It was 1971, and my parents visited my aunt Ramona who lived in the projects of Van Courtland Ave in the Bronx of New York. She lived on the 15th floor, and the elevator always smelled of urine. Her apartment was a railroad apartment (an apartment with a series of rooms connecting in a line) overlooking the playground from the kitchen window. She kept the apartment very clean and immaculate. The aroma of delicious food always came from her kitchen. My aunt Ramona was an excellent cook.

She had five daughters, Nellie, Ivette, Evelyn, Aurora, and Betsy, who was a year apart from me. I hung out with her, mostly.

This particular afternoon, I went with my cousin, Betsy, to the playground behind a schoolyard. I don’t recall the name of the school, but I do remember the playground vividly; a big chain-linked fence and lots of concrete. We met up with two boys, her friends from school. I had no plans on kissing no boy on this particular day. 

Thinking back, I was so naive, and I was this shy kid, awkward in appearance, a nerdy, nerd! My cousin had it planned for me.

After the small talk and getting acquainted moments, here we were behind the schoolyard all four of us, then the moment came with no warning or warm-up, I received a mechanical kiss. Nothing special, but I later mentioned it to my cousin. Why? What made you arrange this kiss for me instead of letting it happen naturally or at least warn me. She wanted to do something beautiful for me.

It was just plain awkward! I will always remember it as a strange day, not a delightful day but a funny(peculiar) day!


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Happy Monday!


Happy Monday! I hope your weekend was safe and productive, surrounded by those you love. Let me hear the tea as they say. So, this weekend I spend my time catching up with the home, cleaning, laundry, and errands. I must say I love the shine in my house!

Did anyone watch the news or have anything to share? I tried not to indulge in the news. I wanted to take a break and step back for a bit. My focus was on the immediate with my family.

I reached out to some friends and chatted for a bit about the world, although I promised myself I would not indulge or dwell over our situation.Here is my take on the following: sending our kids to school. I feel our children should be protected at all costs even if it means virtual school for a bit, but, here is where it gets tricky, for parents that need to go to work, the kids cannot stay unattended in the home. It is a Catch 22!

To wear a mask versus not to wear a mask? Everyone will have to live with what they choose to do, but as for me? Yes, I wear a mask for my safety as well as for others.

Food for thought: I wear a seat belt to abide by the traffic rules for my safety, and we don’t go against it. We require a driver’s license to allow us to use a car, drive safely, and abide by the traffics laws. Children require the use of a car seat to keep them safe from harm, but you don’t see people protesting against it?

I am saying all of this to say it is for our safety from this horrific pandemic!

Until this pandemic is over, I urge you all to wear a mask if for no other reason but to keep yourselves and loved ones safe. Wear it!


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Human Crazy


“Being human is a given. But keeping our humanity is a choice. “

~Steemit

I find myself reflecting on our current world situation with the Coronavirus. So much going on, I cannot make heads or tails, or possibly make sense of it all. Human crazy! Am I alone on this? Do any of you read this feel the same? I decided to flush all on this page. Let me know if I come across too anxious or again, Human Crazy!

Mr. President

Please help me to understand the method to your madness. Thus far, I see more of madness than a solution. I never thought I’d say this, but I don’t feel safe where I live. Your leadership leaves many questions unanswered. You continue to ignore all of the warning signs, and you are leading the people towards disaster, more deaths, more mayhem, and more confusion. Listen to the experts in the medical field like Dr. Fauci, who is a leading expert in the area of disease control. Listen! Please, Listen!

Mask Rebellion

I implore my fellow humans to see that COVID 19 continues to kill those close to us. For those of you who still feel that this is a hoax, look around. It is real! I am living proof I have seen what this thing can do. Please don’t take it for granted. Wear a mask, and it will save lives!

I recently lost my friend, and my brother tested positive as well as a few close friends, so yes, it is genuine. Many of you are protesting, saying that it is your right to refuse, your God-given right? I am here to say I choose life, and I want to live, that is my God-given right! Do your research! When did this human pandemic become political? It should have never happened; perhaps the outcome would be different.

COVID Rising

If you watch the news, you will see that the number of positive cases is rising, the number of hospitalizations is rising, and the hospitals are running out of space. Even the morgues are filled, and some states have begun to bring in freezer trucks for the dead, but yet I hear plans for opening the schools. Why? Now, our children are in jeopardy and danger? They are as much at risk as adults. Think about it, let us say the child attends the school, he or she may have an elderly in their home, so that being said, this child ultimately will bring in the virus and spread it to his or her family. Think about the bigger picture!

I say all of this in hopes that it will touch someone, make them see that the pandemic is much larger than anticipated, and we are in this together for better or for worse.


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Was it a Dream?


Years ago, after the death of my landlady, I had a dream. It took place after we invited her friends over to the apartment after her wake. I remember we hosted, it was coffee and dessert. Her friends kept on complimenting us as to how nice we were for doing this for Ludmilla.  My husband and I would respond by saying, “We loved our landlady, Ludmilla. “ The apartment was so full of friends that we did not realize she had so many friends.

After the beverage and dessert, our landlady’s friends began to exit for the evening.

Days after, we started living downstairs due to the apartment being vacant. We were afraid someone would break-in, so we began to live downstairs until the house sold.

My neighbor, Madalane, dropped by to give us a bouquet of daffodils. I placed them on Ludmilla’s credenza. Lots of yellow petals so beautiful. The downstairs was very old-fashioned, Ludmilla had all the original appliances in the kitchen, the dinette set was made of chrome legs, plastic cushions on the backing and seat of the chairs. It was like being back in the 60s. The cabinets were white with little square windows to see the dishware, cups, and glasses on display.

That night I dreamed about Ludmilla, she visited me, but she was not the age she was when she passed. Ludmilla was 86 when she died, but in the dream, she appeared to be in her mid-50s. Her hair was black styled in an updo, exquisite. She was dressed in a plaid suit, pink and blue squares, white background, and black pumps.

In the dream, she began to inquire, “what have you done with my things.” I began to show her the glasses and dishware in the cabinets and how we are living downstairs until the house sells. I continued telling her that we packed all her belongings to ship to Riga, Lavia, to her niece and nephew, as she stated in her will. I was so happy to speak with her and catch up with her, and I wanted to make sure that she’d be pleased with us. She complimented me, and indeed she was delighted. I showed Ludmilla the daffodils that my neighbor had bought over earlier in the day placed on the credenza.

At that moment, she glances at me, and she expressed she has to go. I did not want her to go. As we looked at each other we embraced, she expressed her goodbyes, as she disappeared, I woke up sobbing. I woke up my husband, and he was concerned that I was crying so much. It was an emotional and intense time. Was it a dream? Did she visit me?


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Happy 4th of July Stay Safe


Happy 4th of July, stay safe! I ponder upon the year thus far and how it has changed all of us. This pandemic is running rampant throughout the US, and protests are still going, but I won’t be talking about these events.

On this holiday as we celebrate sharing with family and friends, barbequing on the grill.

I imagine a simple greeting at the door, a choice of elbow bumps, and fist bumps to everyone’s satisfaction. A little social distancing, as we sit on every other chair and putting on our mask in case we sneeze or cough.

The aroma of delicious foods cooking on the grill permeating the air as we take it all in waiting to eat, yum! The cuisine selection is exquisite, the company is great as we share our stories.

The experience was memorable and fun. Wishing you all a Happy 4th of July, and stay safe.


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Humanity is Dying


“It’s possible to remain long in the state of deprivation if you are not aware you can escape it. Knowing what exists and who you are is enough to inform you to make ideal choices.”

― Israelmore Ayivor

Humanity is dying! Everywhere you look, people are sick, while those around them are in denial. How did we get here? I am human, as well as you are human, so why are we in a constant battle with each other, when this invisible enemy is killing us off one by one?  It does not discriminate, and it does not care where you come from or how much money you have or how old you are. It just takes life!

It is a continuous struggle to adapt to the new norm. I social distance, I wash my hands a bazillion times a day and wipe down everything I touch to avoid contamination from this invisible terrorist.

It is like you are part of some outrageous Sci-Fi movie where the heroine warns others to beware, and they defy the odds thinking they will not be affected and infected! Wake up my fellow humans, because this is not over.

My eyes are wide open. I recently lost a close friend and know of others that lost family members to this horrid virus. Why not heed the warnings and do what you need to do to live? Choose to live!


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Remembering My Landlady


On the morning of February of 1992, I returned home from dropping off the kids to school. Mrs. Turks, my landlady wanted to share a cheesecake recipe from the package of the Philadelphia cream cheese. She went on and on about how easy it was to make, and I told her I would try it out and never thinking that I was speaking to her for the last time.

I did not see her for the rest of the day. I did not hear anything from the inside of her apartment, so I assumed she was out on errands, and I proceeded to go pick up the kids. It was around 2:45 PM.

While waiting with the other parents, my neighbor, who lives just two houses from me, Bebe. She approached me and asked, “Did you hear what happened to Mrs.Turks?” I responded, “no.” She and I never got along; it was a mutual dislike.

After Mrs. Turks told me about the recipe that morning, she visited my neighbor, Bebe, and while at her house. She said Mrs. Turks was acting strangely and was looking around her living room as though for the last time. At that precise moment, she had a massive stroke cerebral hemorrhage.

Mrs. Ludmilla Turks passed away at age 86. I think about her and reflect on our friendship. She was loving, caring, and a pretty sassy lady when needed and independent until the end.


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To be Human


“A person’s life may be a lonely thing by nature, but it is not isolated. To that life other lives are linked.”

― Haruki Murakami

To be human is to be connected to others that are human just like you, but when that connection is interrupted by life emergencies such as a pandemic. It requires creativity and forethought. It requires patience and planning. It requires vision!

If your preference is indoors or goes outdoors? Plan activities that will prevent you from going out of your mind or scream from the rooftops!

How many skills have become fine-tuned since being indoors? You find yourself more into reading or listening to audiobooks, you all of sudden are trying out new recipes to share with your family or you decide to work on a craft project together.

Outdoors? These days are more of a venture for survival, going to the store, or going to the pharmacy for your food and essentials. Taking walks for fresh air, fitness, or walking your dog.

Wearing a mask has become part of your fashion wardrobe. Social distancing has become the norm.

It does not matter what you do or how you do it. The point is human interaction, share thoughts, share the love, and share support.